16 Lessons Social Media Taught Me About Trauma Response
/If you’re a trauma or abuse survivor social media can prove difficult sometimes. Images or memes can be triggering as might conversations and interactions with others. Unexpectedly, your trauma, or the trauma of others, can spill out through run-ins on social media. Anxiety, stress and grief may also play a part and be expressed in not-so-gracious ways during a commenting spat.
Recently, I had a bit of a kerfuffle with someone on social media. It was not my intention and generally, I rarely engage in virtual debates - it’s too easy for your tone and intent to get lost in cyber translation. And yet, I found myself in a flurry which happened so quickly it left my head spinning and my pulse elevated.
What I learned to from this experience:
Read the entire post first before you comment, then read it one more time. You will be challenged on this.
Know something about the person to whom you are responding - is their profile public or do they have a website?
Don’t take things so personally, face to face people usually wouldn’t be so aggressive.
Know your own emotional limitations.
Walk away.
It’s better to be professional and sensitive to others then to be right.
Just because you have a lot of followers or a pretty feed doesn’t mean you have all the answers.
Even those trying to help others need help themselves.
We are all trying to heal but can step on each other’s toes without knowing it.
If you have a social media account and post concepts, opinions or beliefs, memes, photos and videos - eventually someone is going to disagree with you.
When you post on a public page, it’s now public not personal. You must prepare yourself to respond with grace.
When someone tells you they are an abuse survivor, listen (or read) with empathy. You don’t know their story or their mental health status.
If you have set yourself up as a coach, guru, support group leader, counselor, pastor, writer of self-help materials or guide - you have a responsibility to treat those who agree and disagree with you with respect.
Sometimes the advice being given through a post or meme is based on someone’s own trauma and experience, not necessarily gospel or solid advice.
If someone is reacting aggressively, they may be doing so from a place of their own hurt and triggers. Even if they have thousands of followers or have written a book.
How you handle that comment or PM which disagrees with you shows not only your maturity but a glimpse into your heart and mental health.
My biggest mistake was #2, I hadn’t followed the account long enough to understand that while this influencer was setting themselves up as a self-help guru, they actually viewed their account and website as an expression of their personal healing journey - their perspective and healing process was still raw. They wore their heart on their sleeve and didn’t see things through a professional or business lense, it was personal. Yes, they were trying to help others through their pain, but yet this was personal…it was THEIR’S.
I also didn’t practices #4 or #5, which well might have saved my evening.
Our world is quickly becoming binary - I think that’s just another word for being legalistic. Legalism is a focus on the rules - making rules, following them. Expectations are set based on those spoken, and unspoken rules. The rules might vary by person, group, community or label. People may only associate with those who think and believe like they do...following the same political, religious or lifestyle “rules.” The word “rule” can be replaced with beliefs or experiences too.
Trauma has a funny way of getting into our system. Try as we might, it’s hard to outrun. What seems like an innocent comment on social media can quickly turn into a hellish exchange of jabs and barbs if both (or the sudden gang who join in) are coming from a place of unresolved trauma or lack of maturity.
If you are experiencing a mind shift, deconstructing your beliefs or are now of a different persuasion when it comes to religion, your faith or politics, it might be tempting to ignite or fan the flames of a hearty social media banter. Religious trauma and spiritual abuse are real thus you also have real trauma and pain. People may attempt to “bring you back into the fold” by challenging your new or transforming views. I ask you to reconsider the quick-witted comebacks or trying to change someone’s mind - read #’s 4, 8 and 15 again.
Remember these things the next time you enter a heated discussion with someone on social media:
· Show Empathy – You have no idea what they have been through or are currently going through. You don’t know their mental health status.
· Don’t Label – Unless you are a licensed professional, you cannot diagnose someone with a mental or emotional health condition. You might see evidence of unhealthy behaviors, but unless legally you can give someone a label, just don’t.
· Walk Away – It’s not worth it. The online fight is not worth the emotional stimulation and perhaps turmoil you will experience. It really doesn’t matter who is right if things get ugly.
· Listen to Your Triggers – Your mental health matters more than being right or setting the record straight. Take control of the situation by doing what is best for you in the moment.
· Don’t Worry About What People Think – Strangers on the internet are just that, strangers. Take the high ground, be the bigger person. Show professionalism and keep your integrity intact.
Trauma shows up in many places – even online. We are all battling our own hurts. Let’s help make social media be a safer place simply by being kind online.
#bekindonline #the16
This article is not intended to treat or diagnose any condition.
Rebekah is not a licensed therapist or clinician. Any advice or opinions given on this site are strictly her own observation and insights based on personal experiences and study. It should in no way take the place of professional assistance.