The church is often seen as a sanctuary, a place of healing and support for those who seek spiritual guidance and community. However, a pattern and uncomfortable truth I have observed is that not only has the church become a place where great harm is done or covered up, the church is sometimes guilty of co-opting survivor language and experiences - the very survivors they created or silenced then again use or exploit.
Read MoreDid you grow up in a high-demand religion or a cult? Have you ever felt like an outsider to life and couldn’t put into words exactly why? If so, you are not alone and perhaps, what I explain in this article will resonate with you.
One day as I was having a conversation about my childhood (and subsequent religious trauma recovery journey) with a dear friend of mine, Dr. Paulette Bethel, she suddenly said, “Rebekah, you’re a TCK!” This expression was new to me so I asked her to explain.
Read MoreIn this thought-provoking article, we delve into the challenging terrain of communicating deconstruction, faith transition, and religious trauma with family. This is not meant to be a definitive piece, but rather a discussion of some of the obstacles, difficulties, and considerations you may face.
As we navigate these uncharted paths, we may be seen as daring to challenge conventions (heretic) or defying the status quo (rebellious.) Buckle up as we embark on a journey that demands courage and an unwavering commitment to our own soul, conscience and overall health.
Read MoreAs I sit down to share my thoughts and experiences, I am reminded of the transformative power of vulnerability and the courage it takes to confront our deepest wounds. My journey recovering from religious trauma has been filled with twists and turns, leading me to the profound realization that healing is a sacred and ongoing process. In this blog post, I invite you to join me on this transformative path, as we explore what it truly means to be a church or religious leader on the journey of recovering from religious trauma.
Read MoreYesterday I got to spend the afternoon with an old high school friend. It was only supposed to be a quick bite (tacos!) and a coffee but that turned into five hours of talking, catching up, swapping takes on Shiny Happy People and rehashing old memories.
For those of us who have left behind a cult, high demand group or unhealthy system, it’s an unfortunate yet common thing I have noticed that we have few life-long friends or we only reconnect well into adulthood. (Maybe this is just a fundy phenomenon, I’ll have to dive into this thought a bit more.) Without a doubt it’s often that family has even rejected you or you have had to distance yourself due to abuse or lack of respecting boundaries.
Read MoreWatching Shiny Happy People is observing the first half of my life in what feels like an out of body experience. Internal agony and struggle, mind shifts and identity disruption, loss of people I love, fear and confusion, new experiences and blazing ahead alone, these things have defined my years since becoming aware I had been raised in a cult. It’s what it took for me to leave, learn a new way and forge a life outside the lines of authoritarian control and spiritual abuse.
The Duggar family has long been who I reference when I tell people that I grew up differently from mainstream culture. Dang, even differently from most evangelical culture. “Have you seen the show 19 Kids and Counting? Yes? Well, that’s my background.” It was extreme fundamentalism; we were the radicals.
I wasn’t the only IBLP survivor who had a migraine yesterday. Yes, my migraine is toned way down now, thanks for asking. I took a walk, snagged a couple short cat-naps, did more gentle yoga movements and mental reminders that I am safe now which all seemed to help.
Shiny Happy People is collectively pacing so many of us through our painful childhoods which were riddled with spiritual abuse, physical and psychological abuse and religious trauma. Please, do not allow yourself to be re-traumatized. Turn off the TV, decide you will not finish the series, or wait until you can talk to a therapist. There is great strength in knowing your limitations and choosing to protect your emotional and mental health. It’s not a weakness.
Read MoreReligious trauma is a sensitive topic that requires a therapist who is knowledgeable and experienced in addressing the unique challenges that come with it. If you're seeking therapy to overcome religious trauma, it's crucial to ask the right questions to ensure that the therapist is well-equipped to help you. Here are ten insightful questions to ask a therapist to assess their religious trauma competency.
Read MoreIt’s overwhelming I know. You’ve recognized something is off with how you were raised or with the system in which your faith is based. You are scared. You aren’t sure who to trust. You’re Googling for answers and desperate for help.
Suddenly, in your searching, you see an article entitled, “The 5 Steps to Deconstructing Your Faith,” and you feel like, “Oh good, someone will tell me how to do this!” Well, yes and no.
Read MoreIf this was you, listen to me closely: You do not have to embody every little thing you now believe. That’s overwhelming and may be impractical or “too much” for you today. Our beliefs are not who we are, but they do inform how we behave. You are aware now, but have wounds and traumas which must heal. Each role may not be possible for you to take on now or ever - and that’s ok.
Read MoreSpiritual abuse has long been veiled as Christian parenting. People just buy into the system hook, line and sinker. While it’s true spiritual abuse can have some physical features, it’s generally more subtle. Spiritual abuse first affects a person’s mind, moves into their core beliefs, and then informs their actions. Spiritual abuse intersects with psychological and emotional abuse in this way because spiritual abuse impacts mind, body and soul.
Read MoreTrauma bonding is widely known to happen in controling or toxic relationships such as within an unhealthy parent/child or husband/wife structure. The emotional bond occurs when the victim becomes dependant on the abuser in unbalanced ways. While this type of bond is prevalant in abusive one-on-one relationships, can trauma bonding happen in a person's relationship to their church community as well?
Read MoreFirst off, spiritual abuse, religious trauma and other terms found in this article are not a new thing. Abuse within religious organizations, churches and leadership has been around as long as there has been organized religion…or people for that matter.
Read MoreIf you are currently in a church, Christian family or religious community, chances are you’ve heard the word “deconstruction.” The term may have been presented in a negative light to you or perhaps you don’t truly know what it means. Or, if you’ve been on social media in the last few months and follow any prominent Christian leaders, your introduction to the word may have been through a heated video clip and thread. One thing is for certain, the term “deconstruction” and all it entails is a word stirring up much controversy in American religious spaces right now.
Why are people reacting so strongly to this word and the subsequent “deconstruction culture?” It’s complicated. In this post, I will do my best to help you understand why people are reactive to deconstruction, what deconstruction really is and how you can help. Are you ready for lots of information?
Read MoreLet’s be honest, the Holidays can be rough. There are so many expectations - dinners to make, parties to attend, attire to select, gifts to buy, family to see, pictures to take, lawns to decorate and trees or tables to adorn. Add in the journey of faith deconstruction or religious trauma recovery and that “ho-ho-ho” might feel more like “woe-woe-woe.”
Read MoreOver ten years ago, my husband and I met with a couple for marriage counseling. We were struggling, really struggling. About halfway through our time together, the husband looked me squarely in the eyes and said, “You’re a legalist. Once a legalist, always a legalist.” This offended me greatly as I had been working so hard to overcome my fundamentalist roots and we were here to talk mostly about my own husband’s failings anyway.
Read MoreWhen you’re married or in a committed relationship, one of the hardest parts about experiencing faith deconstruction or a Spiritual Identity Disruption TM, is the toll it takes on that valuable relationship. Realizing you had been handed a toxic, controlling or abusive version of faith is hard enough, but what comes next as you process everything can retraumatize, devastate and potentially shatter and already fractured sense of self.
Read MoreWhen I was six or seven years old, my family joined Bill Gothard’s program - the Institute in Basic Life Principles. I remember a hotel room and strangers babysitting me when we visited Oklahoma City for my parents to attend a training. I believe part of the reason my parents were attracted to the program was the support and community provided exclusively to homeschoolers.
Read MoreChristian singer/songwriter, Matthew West, release a new song this week called, “Modest is Hottest.” In the music video, Mr. West is attempting to educate his two daughters as to why they should dress modestly. My social media has been full of praise for this “hilarious song with such a great message for girls today,” so I had to check it out for myself.
I didn’t laugh once. Instead, I cringed.
Read MorePlease Note: This is an educational website to support healing and growth. It is not a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need mental health treatment, please contact your nearest mental health agency, and if you are in crisis, contact your nearest emergency services.
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