Are You a Recovering Fundamentalist?
/Over ten years ago, my husband and I met with a couple for marriage counseling. We were struggling, really struggling. About halfway through our time together, the husband looked me squarely in the eyes and said, “You’re a legalist. Once a legalist, always a legalist.” This offended me greatly as I had been working so hard to overcome my fundamentalist roots and we were here to talk mostly about my own husband’s failings anyway. The session was not about me. Or was it?
As I have faced my own spiritual traumas and adverse religious experiences over the years and listened to the stories of others including friends and clients, I hear this same thing, “I thought I’d work through this legalism thing!”
If you are a recovering fundamentalist I have news for you, and you’re not gonna like it. In fact, this might upset or irritate you. But I am saying it with love because I care and once upon a time, I needed to hear it too:
“You are a legalist.”
In Alcoholics Anonymous, those recovering from alcohol abuse are taught to always refer to themselves as an alcoholic – it’s an addiction that rarely just disappears forever. The same can be applied to legalism. We can understand and learn, we can identify triggers and behavior patterns, we can purpose to “outgrow” the concept and really, truly move forward into healthy frameworks - but we must always be aware of our inclination to revert to the past ways of doing things. I don’t care how far you think you’ve come; the tendencies will forever be your go-to, knee-jerk response.
According to Merriam-Webster, legalism is defined as: Strict, literal, or excessive conformity to the law or to a religious or moral code.
My own definition expands upon this.
Legalism: A focus on the rules - making rules and following them. Expectations are set based on those spoken and unspoken rules. The rules might vary by person, group, community or label. People may only associate with those who think and believe like they do - following the same political, religious or lifestyle “rules.” The word “rules” can be replaced with “beliefs” or “experiences” too.
I hear you right now. You’re thinking to yourself, “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I don’t do that anymore, that’s so legalistic. I’ve embraced grace and changed so much!” Yes, you have changed. Yes, you have understood grace. And yes, I have had to come face-to-face with this harsh reality in my own life. Legalism is a kaleidoscope.
See, you don’t just recover from fundamentalism by replacing “bad theology” with what you deem “good theology.” Doctrine is actually the easy part. It’s that soul deep tendency to judge, be 100% right, correct others, perform and have a holy-toity internal conversation with yourself about how you’ve left behind all the wrong stuff - it’s the root of that wiring which takes a lifetime to overcome that's the rub here.
My friend, if you have the attitude I mentioned above, you have become the NIV to their KJV – a different version of the exact same thing.
Watching an R-rated movie, listening to The Eagles and wearing a one-piece to the beach is a what. You can still be a legalist. You can still be a fundamentalist. Your why is far more important then your what.
It’s not specific theologies, doctrines or standards I care so much about – it’s the basis for those beliefs, the mindset that is the platform which supports those beliefs that I care about greatly. I am far less concerned with what you believe or do then why you do or don’t do not believe a thing.
This is the age of Faith Deconstruction it’s not if, it’s when you will know someone who walks away from their faith or questions their faith. In recovering fundamentalist communities I am seeing a hurtful mentality. You saw your way out of fundamentalism and the authoritarian, coercive control of a family or church community. This is huge! It’s important, it’s good. But now someone who also saw their way out is questioning the existence of God or Christianity in general.
If you’re a legalist you’ll say, “How dare they go so far! I too, questioned but never left. You shouldn’t throw the baby with the bathwater.” Someone who has progressed beyond a fundamentalist mindset will say, “They absolutely have the freedom to make this choice for themselves. I know this must have been a difficult decision for them.”
Let’s dive into this a bit further, here’s a litmus test: How do you personally treat someone who has decided to walk away from Christianity or faith?
Do you reply with a passive-aggressive, “I’ll be praying for you,” or “You are looking at men, not Jesus.”
Do you piece apart their choice and back up your stance with Scripture instead of listening and truly hearing their heart?
Do you feel superior or disgusted at that person?
All this grace you have learned was missing from you fundamentalist life – are you applying it? Or have you fallen back into the trap of being right and judging others who do not believe exactly like you?
Are you so quick to find a reason they are wrong and justify why you are right that you forget to hear their pain or struggle, understand their perspective and validate that they have the freedom to make this decision?
Are you adhering to the cult-like behaviors of shaming or shunning and thus using a tactic of spiritual abuse?
If you are so quick to analyze someone’s decision to walk away from Christianity, judge their motives and cross-reference all the ways you’re right with all the ways they’re wrong – then you’re still an acting fundamental-legalist and part of the bigger problem.
You’re on the path towards freedom when, if someone chooses to leave Christianity, instead of hurling insults, analysis and underhanded prayers, you ask:
What led them to this decision?
What truth is in their conclusion?
What are they having to give up or lose because of the decision to leave their faith?
How can I show unconditional love and empathy?
What am I truly worried about – their soul, my own doubts, the validity in their reasoning or how this looks to people?
A recovering fundamentalist has much to overcome – it’s the stuff buried deep inside. The change does show first in the external, but the internal takes far longer to mend and reset. Hear me and hear me well, if you identify as a recovering fundamentalist - YOU HAVE NOT ARRIVED. I don’t care if it was five or ten years ago that you left your Independent Fundamental Baptist Church (like I did) and started going to an IFB-light, Southern Baptist or Non-denominational church and now you wear jeans on Sundays, sing Contemporary Christian music and drink wine from a glass in your tattooed hand - recognizing the problem is a step towards a solution, but it’s not the solution.
And if you find there is steam coming out of your ears after reading this article, don’t be mad at me, be mad at the counselor who first called me out. It took several years of me being perturbed at the man’s gall and audacity to come to the realization, “He was right.” Also turn introspective for a bit and ask yourself, “Why am I so angry?”
This is a check your beam moment to the recovering fundamentalists out there. Before you are quick to look down upon, chide or *tsk tsk* shake your head when someone leaves the faith or believes a doctrine different then what you think is orthodoxly accurate – leave your legalism at the door. Your fundamentalism is showing, and it’s still hurting people.
Oh and, you have the freedom to disagree with me.
