The church is often seen as a sanctuary, a place of healing and support for those who seek spiritual guidance and community. However, a pattern and uncomfortable truth I have observed is that not only has the church become a place where great harm is done or covered up, the church is sometimes guilty of co-opting survivor language and experiences - the very survivors they created or silenced then again use or exploit.
Read MoreIn this thought-provoking article, we delve into the challenging terrain of communicating deconstruction, faith transition, and religious trauma with family. This is not meant to be a definitive piece, but rather a discussion of some of the obstacles, difficulties, and considerations you may face.
As we navigate these uncharted paths, we may be seen as daring to challenge conventions (heretic) or defying the status quo (rebellious.) Buckle up as we embark on a journey that demands courage and an unwavering commitment to our own soul, conscience and overall health.
Read MoreAs I sit down to share my thoughts and experiences, I am reminded of the transformative power of vulnerability and the courage it takes to confront our deepest wounds. My journey recovering from religious trauma has been filled with twists and turns, leading me to the profound realization that healing is a sacred and ongoing process. In this blog post, I invite you to join me on this transformative path, as we explore what it truly means to be a church or religious leader on the journey of recovering from religious trauma.
Read MoreIt’s overwhelming I know. You’ve recognized something is off with how you were raised or with the system in which your faith is based. You are scared. You aren’t sure who to trust. You’re Googling for answers and desperate for help.
Suddenly, in your searching, you see an article entitled, “The 5 Steps to Deconstructing Your Faith,” and you feel like, “Oh good, someone will tell me how to do this!” Well, yes and no.
Read MoreTrauma bonding is widely known to happen in controling or toxic relationships such as within an unhealthy parent/child or husband/wife structure. The emotional bond occurs when the victim becomes dependant on the abuser in unbalanced ways. While this type of bond is prevalant in abusive one-on-one relationships, can trauma bonding happen in a person's relationship to their church community as well?
Read MoreFirst off, spiritual abuse, religious trauma and other terms found in this article are not a new thing. Abuse within religious organizations, churches and leadership has been around as long as there has been organized religion…or people for that matter.
Read MoreIf you are currently in a church, Christian family or religious community, chances are you’ve heard the word “deconstruction.” The term may have been presented in a negative light to you or perhaps you don’t truly know what it means. Or, if you’ve been on social media in the last few months and follow any prominent Christian leaders, your introduction to the word may have been through a heated video clip and thread. One thing is for certain, the term “deconstruction” and all it entails is a word stirring up much controversy in American religious spaces right now.
Why are people reacting so strongly to this word and the subsequent “deconstruction culture?” It’s complicated. In this post, I will do my best to help you understand why people are reactive to deconstruction, what deconstruction really is and how you can help. Are you ready for lots of information?
Read MoreOver ten years ago, my husband and I met with a couple for marriage counseling. We were struggling, really struggling. About halfway through our time together, the husband looked me squarely in the eyes and said, “You’re a legalist. Once a legalist, always a legalist.” This offended me greatly as I had been working so hard to overcome my fundamentalist roots and we were here to talk mostly about my own husband’s failings anyway.
Read MoreMany of the core revelations discovered because of DNA testing can be applied to the reasons why people are choosing to walk away from traditional Christian structures and faith altogether—abuse, hypocrisy, lies, and trauma.
Could it be that science and faith have collided in the quest for truth?
Read MoreGrowing up in Christian fundamentalism, apologetics was huge, especially in the homeschool circles. Drenched in this form of thinking, I have attended lengthy seminars, read books, listened to countless sermons and presentations, practiced my own arguments and yes, even had to take a worldview test with my fiancé before we were given a blessing to wed.
Merriam-Webster supplied the definitions for the words above and reading them with fresh eyes was insightful. The three words which stood out to me were argumentative, authority and defense. Apologetics can be synonymous with the term, “Defending your faith.”
Read MoreSpiritual Identity Disruption is when what you believed or were taught about faith or spirituality collide with an opposing lived experience - which may include abuse, trauma and hypocrisy.
This polarization cannot be reconciled using the existing foundation thus causing a disruption of identity and crisis of belief.
Read MoreFaith has often been described as a journey. And what I’ve noticed is that Grace is the depot where lots of people hop off the train and then choose to stay there. But I would like to present to you an alternative trip route.
As I write, I am remembering one of those amazing old train stations I’ve visited in Europe - Paris or London maybe. Beautiful antique tiles line the walls. Movie and show posters are scattered everywhere. People scurry like ants up and down stairs, crossing over to change train lines or stopping briefly in the shop for a coffee. Each person has an exact route they must follow to arrive at their chosen destination.
Read MoreThe divide between the church and “de-churched” will only widen until church leaders and communities address this issue head-on, looking for their own mistakes and seeking reconciliation with the people they have wounded. The waves of individuals deconstructing their faith today, is a direct result of chronic misuse of Scripture. It is not rebellion, it is recovery from Religious Trauma.
Read MoreEvangelical fundamentalism was founded to counter-act the women’s rights movements, especially women working outside the home, and modern theory in a post-World War I world. The movement was at it’s peak during the 1950-1980’s. Sub-denominations were even formed during this time, claiming further truth and belief in Biblical fundamentals – such as the denomination of my childhood, Independent Fundamental Baptist.
Read MoreAs someone who is living a life differently than how they were raised, someone who has fought hard to find truth and battled through the agony of deconstruction – little things can become big things when you least expect it.
As you may know, I am a homeschool mom. This often feels like a love/hate situation because you see, I was homeschooled. Triggers, known pitfalls, lack of actual schooling, strained family relationships – I want to avoid those things. I have seen far too much of that
There, however, is much good that comes from home educating your children too – unlimited family adventures, an individualized education, learning new things together, freedom to explore personal learning styles and interests, studying about then traveling the world - I am embracing those amazing things.
Read MoreAs a mother myself, I feel a heaviness around what is taking place in our society. The division between races, cultures, families, friends, churches, businesses, law enforcement, nations – the division is just that, it’s divisive. The future is being formed right now. This is my child’s world – the world where my grandbabies will be raised. This is our place in history – what happens now matters.
As someone who was raised in a Christian legalistic, fundamentalist environment, starting controversial conversations doesn’t come naturally.
Read MoreWe had just moved to a much smaller town. Like big city to a handful of stop lights. Everything had changed - the political climate, culture of the people, There were only a couple local places to eat, no quaint coffee shops and one grocery store. I’d seen men riding horses through town and the police station was a metal building with an elaborate lamp post outside.
It was my first trip to the post office - just a tiny little building in the heart of town. Right before getting out of my car, a beat up 1980’s sports car ripped into the parking lot. The car was a mixture of several bright colors - mostly replacement panels. Music was blaring. And a buddy was laughing in the front seat.
Read MoreDeconstruction is a personalized piecing apart of one’s belief system. This may include political and religious views, gender roles, race and identity.
There is no set amount of time – each person deconstructs at their own pace. Often, a painful or dramatic event can initiate the deconstruction process.
A complete deconstruction can involve what feels to be a total erasing of what a person thought was normal – how you interact with people, raise your kids, behave, treat your spouse, believe about your faith, view the world at large and yes, even basic daily practices such as taking a class, getting dressed, eating meals, going to the store or social gatherings.
Read MoreHave you ever been afraid to ask God the questions in your heart? Do you feel guilty for questioning some things (or everything) you’ve ever believed about God? Is there shame covering you because doubts are flooding your mind?
In my experience, the conservative Christian church has been afraid of allowing people to ask questions. This has left an entire generation of people who have either left the church or are hanging on confused and not truly knowing what they believe.
Read MorePlease Note: This is an educational website to support healing and growth. It is not a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need mental health treatment, please contact your nearest mental health agency, and if you are in crisis, contact your nearest emergency services.
I respect your privacy.
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