Netflix's Unorthodox - Thoughts From A Religious Cult Survivor
/During COVID-19 and social distancing I've been trying not to watch too many shows or stay glued to social media and my phone. But - then Netflix released Unorthodox.
I succumbed. I binged. They got me.
(And as you may suspect, this is a trigger warning if spiritual or sexual abuse is in your history.)
As a religious cult survivor myself, here are a few of my thoughts after I watched Unorthodox:
Cults exist. They are everywhere disguised as religion, business or family. You cannot ignore this fact.
More needs to be done to help people become educated concerning mind control, coercion, spiritual manipulation and religious abuse. Shows like Unorthodox help.
My experience was not like Esty's. I didn't just walk away, or escape one day and embrace "the world" and what it had to offer. (Although, I know some who have.) Mine was a slow deconstruction, the roots of which had taken hold several years prior.
The mental and emotional agony of leaving your family, your faith, your belief system, your known world...is much greater than Unorthodox shows. They do touch on it and give you a glimpse. But take whatever Esty feels and multiply it by ten or twenty and you're close.
The club scene - situations like that are real when you're coming out of a cult. Again, Esty embraces "the world" much faster than most I know, but, the point I felt was they showed her not knowing "how" to be in that kind of social environment. In fact, she really did not understanding much of the social world but wanted to and was awkwardly trying.
Religion isn't the problem. God isn't the problem. People and their need to control, dominate and keep their pride, that’s the problem.
Family and friends will reject you. You will feel alone and out of place.
The physical pain and understanding of intimacy - I'm so glad they went there! Strict, patriarchal, shame-filled communities frequently leave women uneducated about their own bodies and gripped with fear on their wedding night. Sex is a dirty word and not to be discussed EVER, but somehow you're supposed to naturally know what to do and how to please your husband physically. The pressure and burden of sex is placed on the woman alone and they are shamed if they don't "perform."
Deep down - Esty always knew - but yet so genuinely wanted to live a good life, she just kept doing things that went against her "gut." I've been there. Forcing myself to do things that felt wrong or genuinely hurt me. Then one day…ENOUGH.
The strength, courage and resolve it takes to walk away from a cult community/environment is heroic. Esty knew something was wrong and she wanted a different life, a life of freedom. Freedom is terrifying to someone who has never experienced it.
Confidence and purpose mixed with that newly found freedom are attractive, even to those you must leave behind. They may not follow you or say it, but they see it.
Esty’s mother tried, but she had to give up the thing she loved most in the world, watching from afar. So many people are left trying to escape the grip of their cult-ish past for the rest of their lives. Building a healthy community outside of your past is vital and will help you regain control of your life and future.
If you have left or are in the process of leaving a cult, religious or spiritually abusive community or have questions about what you believe, please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Please reach out to me if you need to speak with someone about your journey.
And as always, seek professional mental and emotional health assistance whenever you are going through a major life change.
Image Credit from Netflix
Rebekah is not a licensed therapist or clinician. Any advice or opinions given on this site are strictly her own observation and insights based on personal experiences and study. It should in no way take the place of professional assistance.