Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take of Episode 4.

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take of Episode 4.

Yesterday I got to spend the afternoon with an old high school friend. It was only supposed to be a quick bite (tacos!) and a coffee but that turned into five hours of talking, catching up, swapping takes on Shiny Happy People and rehashing old memories.

For those of us who have left behind a cult, high demand group or unhealthy system, it’s an unfortunate yet common thing I have noticed that we have few life-long friends or we only reconnect well into adulthood. (Maybe this is just a fundy phenomenon, I’ll have to dive into this thought a bit more.) Without a doubt it’s often that family has even rejected you or you have had to distance yourself due to abuse or lack of respecting boundaries.

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take on Episode 3.

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take on Episode 3.

Watching Shiny Happy People is observing the first half of my life in what feels like an out of body experience. Internal agony and struggle, mind shifts and identity disruption, loss of people I love, fear and confusion, new experiences and blazing ahead alone, these things have defined my years since becoming aware I had been raised in a cult. It’s what it took for me to leave, learn a new way and forge a life outside the lines of authoritarian control and spiritual abuse.

The Duggar family has long been who I reference when I tell people that I grew up differently from mainstream culture. Dang, even differently from most evangelical culture. “Have you seen the show 19 Kids and Counting? Yes? Well, that’s my background.” It was extreme fundamentalism; we were the radicals.

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take on Episode 2.

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take on Episode 2.

I wasn’t the only IBLP survivor who had a migraine yesterday. Yes, my migraine is toned way down now, thanks for asking. I took a walk, snagged a couple short cat-naps, did more gentle yoga movements and mental reminders that I am safe now which all seemed to help.

Shiny Happy People is collectively pacing so many of us through our painful childhoods which were riddled with spiritual abuse, physical and psychological abuse and religious trauma. Please, do not allow yourself to be re-traumatized. Turn off the TV, decide you will not finish the series, or wait until you can talk to a therapist. There is great strength in knowing your limitations and choosing to protect your emotional and mental health. It’s not a weakness.

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take on Episode 1.

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take on Episode 1.

You may be aware that a documentary called Shiny Happy People dropped last night on Amazon Prime which discusses the lives of the Duggar family and the cult organization they are members of, IBLP, which was founded by Bill Gothard.

As a survivor of this cult, I have been mindful to pay attention to my own feelings, emotions and thoughts about this documentary. With this awareness, I made the choice to view the series one episode at a time, to allow myself to process any triggers or negative feelings that should arise.

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I was a Christian Fundamentalist Mom

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I was a Christian Fundamentalist Mom

When my parenting journey began, I was a Christian fundamentalist parent. I didn’t know any better, it was all I had ever known.

I was young and had waited my whole (brief) life to be a mom. Motherhood had been put on a pedestal and was the highest calling a woman could fulfill. It was what all Godly women do, they are fruitful and multiply being blessed with a quiver full of children who will arise and call them blessed. But becoming a mother is also what toppled me into questioning my faith and the religious formula and methods in which I, myself, had been raised.

With the waves of individuals deconstructing their faith, we tend to focus on the person experiencing the belief deconstruction but forget that behind that person are the parents and systems who raised them.

Here’s a little secret: Parents can deconstruct their beliefs too. I know, because I did.

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Moving Beyond Grace

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Moving Beyond Grace

Faith has often been described as a journey. And what I’ve noticed is that Grace is the depot where lots of people hop off the train and then choose to stay there. But I would like to present to you an alternative trip route.

As I write, I am remembering one of those amazing old train stations I’ve visited in Europe - Paris or London maybe. Beautiful antique tiles line the walls. Movie and show posters are scattered everywhere. People scurry like ants up and down stairs, crossing over to change train lines or stopping briefly in the shop for a coffee. Each person has an exact route they must follow to arrive at their chosen destination.

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